Wedding dietary restrictions, from the reply card to the right plate

Most couples ask about dietary needs. Where it goes wrong is afterwards: answers arrive in five different forms, a plus-one's allergy lives in a text message, and the caterer gets a count of "about eight vegetarians" with no names. The guest who needed a separate plate gets the same one as everyone else.

Here is a method that holds together from the invitation to the table.

Step 1: Ask once, per person

Put the question on the reply, where every guest answers it, and ask it for each name on the invitation, not once per household. Two lines are enough:

Any food allergies we should tell the caterer about? Please say if it is serious.

Anything you do not eat, such as meat or fish?

Asking the two separately matters. An allergy is a safety question for the kitchen. A preference is a menu question. When they share one line, a severe nut allergy and "not a fan of mushrooms" look the same on paper.

If you offer a choice of main course, ask for it in the same place. Our guide to when to send invitations has reply wording and shows how to set the reply date from your caterer's deadline.

Step 2: Write every answer the same way

Answers come back as "veggie", "no meat please", "vegetarian (Sam)" and "V". Before they go anywhere, rewrite them in a few fixed words:

• Vegetarian, Vegan, Pescatarian
• Allergy: followed by the food, such as Allergy: tree nuts, and (severe) where the guest said so
• No pork, No alcohol and other specific exclusions, as written
• Plus-one: in front of a need that belongs to a guest's plus-one

Consistent words are what make the list countable. "Vegetarian" twelve times is a number the caterer can order. Twelve spellings of it are a reading exercise.

Step 3: Check the count against what is likely

A national figure will not tell you about your guests, but it will tell you when your list looks wrong. For 120 adult guests:

The allergy figure is from a 2019 survey of 40,443 US adults published in JAMA Network Open. The same study found that 51.1 percent of adults with a food allergy had had at least one severe reaction, and 45.3 percent were allergic to more than one food. The vegetarian and vegan figures are Gallup's, from 2023.

Two ways to read your own list against this:

• Far fewer than expected (two allergies in 120 replies) usually means the question was easy to skip. Ask again, by message, the guests who left it blank.
• More allergies than expected is normal. In the same study, 19 percent of adults reported a food allergy, though only 10.8 percent had symptoms that fit one. Treat every allergy a guest tells you about as real. It is not your job to check it.

Step 4: Decide, need by need

For each line on the list, one of three things happens:

1. Change the dish for everyone. If the same allergen shows up for several guests and it is easy to leave out of a course (nuts in a dessert, sesame in a dressing), ask the caterer to leave it out of that course entirely. It is safer than separate plates and costs less.
2. Order a set number of alternate plates. For preferences like vegetarian or vegan, give the caterer a count and the names. Many couples make the vegetarian option good enough that anyone would choose it.
3. Separate preparation, by name. For every allergy, ask the caterer how they prepare and serve an allergen-free plate without cross-contact, and to mark it with the guest's name and table. Severity cannot be predicted from the label, so a guest's "(severe)" is extra context for the caterer, not the line between a separate plate and none. Tell the guest who to ask on the day.

For the allergy conversation, the FDA's list of nine major food allergens is a useful checklist: milk, eggs, fish, crustacean shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans and sesame. Labelling rules cover packaged food, not a caterer's kitchen, so ask about each course directly. In the 2019 study the most common adult allergies were shellfish, milk, peanut, tree nut and fin fish.

Free toolWedding guest list templatePaste your names and download a guest list for Excel or Google Sheets, already filled in.Make my guest list

Step 5: Send one list, with names and tables

The caterer needs three things for every guest with a need: the name, the need and the table. Send it once, with the final count, and send changes as a new full list rather than a message that says "and one more vegan".

This is also why dietary needs belong on the same row as the guest. When you build the seating chart, the table number lands next to the need, and the list for the caterer writes itself. If you are working in a spreadsheet, add a dietary column next to the reply column and filter it before you send.

On the day, give a copy of the list to one person who is not either of you: a planner, a venue coordinator or a friend who knows the guests. Questions go to them.

Doing it in Yes, I Do

Each guest in Yes, I Do has a dietary notes field, and the note shows under the guest's name in the list. Both of you can add replies and notes from your own phones as they come in, so the plus-one's allergy that arrives by text goes straight onto the right guest.

When it is time to send numbers, the guest packet builds the list for you. Choose attending guests only, and it counts the seats and plus-ones and groups the dietary notes, with how many guests have each note and their names. It groups notes that are written the same way, which is one more reason for step 2. Share it as a PDF or a CSV, with each guest's name, seats, dietary note and table in one row.

When your caterer is booked, your checklist adds a task to confirm the menu and dietary options, and later one to confirm the final count with your caterer.

Questions

Sources

• Gupta RS et al., Prevalence and Severity of Food Allergies Among US Adults, JAMA Network Open, 2019, for allergy prevalence, severity, multiple allergies and the most common allergens.
• Gallup: In U.S., 4% Identify as Vegetarian, 1% as Vegan, August 2023, for vegetarian and vegan shares.
• U.S. Food and Drug Administration: food allergies, for the nine major food allergens.