How to have an adults-only wedding, and tell people kindly

An adults-only wedding is a normal choice, and nobody is owed an invitation for their children. What makes it go badly is rarely the decision. It is a rule that nobody could quite state, a cousin's toddler who came anyway, and a friend who found out from someone else. This guide is the order to do it in, so the rule is clear before anyone has to hear it.

Should you go adults-only?

Start by counting. Go through your list and write down every child, by family. Then ask three questions:

1. Do the seats matter? If the venue caps you or the budget is per head, every child is a seat and a meal. If you have room to spare, the saving is small.
2. Is it an evening that suits children? A late reception, a long dinner and a bar suit adults. An afternoon garden party suits everyone.
3. Will the people you most want there still come? Parents who must travel overnight with young children may decline if the children are not invited. If someone you cannot imagine the day without is one of them, either draw the line at immediate family, or offer childcare.

If the answer to the first two is yes and the third does not worry you, go adults-only. If not, our guide to cutting a guest list has the two other policies, children welcome and immediate family only. Pick one of the three and apply it to every family.

Write the rule down

A rule is fair when you could read it aloud to anyone on the list. It has two parts.

The age line. Say who counts as an adult. 18 is clear. Many couples choose 16 so older teenagers who are close to the family can come. Choose one number, because "older children" will be read differently by every parent.

The exceptions, as categories. Common ones:

• Children in the wedding party, such as a flower girl or a ring bearer.
• Babies in arms, under an age you name, who will be with a parent all evening.
• Your own children, and if you want, the children of immediate family.

Never write an exception for a person. "Except Maya, because she is family" invites every other parent to ask why their child is not family. The Emily Post Institute is plain about relatives who push to bring children: make no exceptions.

A worked example

A couple's list has 132 names. Eighteen are children under 16, in nine families. Their rule: adults only, 16 and over, with children in the wedding party and babies under six months as the exceptions.

The list goes from 132 to 117. At the middle catering price in The Knot's 2026 study, $70 a head, that is $1,050 of food before service charge and tax, and nearly two tables of eight. Our guides to how many tables you need and hidden wedding costs have the rest of that arithmetic. Many caterers charge less for a children's meal, so ask yours before you count the saving.

Now suppose six of the nine families are travelling and you want to make it easy for them to come. A room at the hotel with sitters is one way. Care.com puts the national average posted rate at $19.81 an hour, and suggests adding $0.50 to $1 an hour for each extra child. Three sitters with five children each, at $19.81 plus $4 for the four extra children, is $23.81 an hour each. For a six hour evening:

3 sitters × 6 hours × $23.81 = $428.58

That is well under the food saving, and the parents can come without arranging anything. If you offer it, say so in the same message that tells people the wedding is adults-only.

How to tell guests

In this order, so nobody hears it second-hand.

1. Close family and close friends with young children, in person or on the phone, before the save-the-dates. Each of you calls your own side. Say what the rule is, that it applies to everyone, and that you very much want them there. The Emily Post Institute suggests asking close relatives to help spread the word.
2. The invitations, addressed only to the people invited, by name. This is the etiquette signal: an envelope to two adults invites two adults. The Emily Post Institute advises against printing "no children" or "adults only" on the invitation itself.
3. The wedding website, in the questions section, in one warm line.
4. The reply card, if you use one, with the number of seats reserved for that household. A card that says two seats leaves little room for a misunderstanding.

A line for the website that you can adapt:

We love your little ones, but our wedding is an adults-only celebration, for guests 16 and over. If you are travelling with children, we have booked sitters at the hotel for the evening and would be glad to save them a place.

When to send each, and when replies are due, is in our guide to when to send wedding invitations.

Free toolWedding guest list templatePaste your names and download a guest list for Excel or Google Sheets, already filled in.Make my guest list

When a reply includes children anyway

It happens, sometimes by mistake. The Emily Post Institute's advice is to call straight away and explain kindly that the invitation was for the adults, with a line such as "I'm sorry if there was any confusion, but the invitation was only for the two of you. We hope you can still come." Making an exception is not fair to the guests who arranged care. Whichever of you is closer to that guest should make the call, the same day.

Keeping the list straight

The rule only works if the list matches it. Every invited child goes on the guest list as a name, like any guest, so the totals count them and nobody is assumed. When you send the final count, the caterer will want children's meals as a separate number; our guide to the final headcount covers that.

In Yes, I Do every guest has a side, a group, a reply and a plus-ones count, and the list shows how many are coming as replies arrive. You can paste names from anywhere and they become guests. Both of you see the same list on your own phones, so a child added on one side shows up for the other the next time they open the app.

Questions

Sources

• The Emily Post Institute: how to signal no children at your wedding, for addressing invitations, not printing "no children", asking family to spread the word, making no exceptions and offering babysitting or a children's room.
• The Emily Post Institute: when a guest's RSVP includes uninvited children, for calling the guest and the suggested wording.
• Care.com: how much does a babysitter cost, updated 12 February 2026, for the $19.81 national average posted rate and adding $0.50 to $1 an hour for each extra child.
• The Knot Real Weddings Study 2026, full data read-out (PDF), 10,474 US couples married in 2025, for the $70 middle catering spend per head.